Channeling

I began journaling my spiritual experiences on January 1, 2005. The "weird" things had been happening for quite a while, and by that point I had figured out much of what was going on. I was able to put a name to it at any rate. I was psychic.

The first entry in my journal was a past life regression. I was comfortable with the concept of past lives, and frankly, it made so much more sense to me than the idea that we only get one chance at life. I used oracle cards and tarot, but the idea of mediumship scared the hell out of me. I wanted nothing of it. And so the way it started was a surprise.

At the time I worked in a factory. My job was to watch a machine transfer computer chips form one disk to another... for 12 hours at a time... It was tedious to say the least.

I had just come back from my lunch break and had a clear and deep feeling that I needed to write something. It was almost as if there was a voice telling me do so. I opened my email and addressed a message to myself, with no idea what I was going to write. Without thinking about it I wrote, "This is what I know."

I remember typing it.

However, I don't remember anything that happened after that until I looked at the clock and saw that an hour had passed. I nervously looked over to my machines and saw that they were running fine, and to my amazement, I had even transferred cassettes and reset the machine a couple of times! Then I went back and read what I and written.

the way most of the world thinks of time is wrong. It is not linear. In that space on the other side, time does not exist. Every "time" is now. We, here, have developed an altered state of actual time (or non-time) to deal with all of the realities that we are bombarded with. It is easier for our unconnected minds (unconnected to the universal mind) to understand.

Although there is some reality to our physical self, our consciousness is tied to the Universal mind. Through this mind we can adjust the physical. When we have access to the Universal, we should affect change in our being and environment. The Universe requires this of us. It is our duty to those who do not know they have access to the Universal mind.

With this view of time, alternate realities should not be an abstract idea. Every thing is in existence, happening right now, on a different level, not in a different time (past or present). This is why our physical selves are formed and transformed by knowledge of our alternate selves ("past lives"), because these things are happening now to our other selves.

The world we see is not some mass hallucination. It is a physical reality that can and, for the most part, should be manipulated to create a higher awareness for those who are still unconnected to the Universal mind. I see this as an obligation. It is something that those who are connected wrote into our life contracts before we were incarnated into this physical reality. Therefore, to ignore it would be to deny ourselves of our purpose. (I guess what I just said was that our purpose is to aid in creating a higher awareness for those who are still unconnected to the Universal mind, or the God figure.) Accomplishing our purpose will end the incarnation process.

Most people feel the need to humanize the Universal mind by calling it a God. It is not human. It is a consciousness, an energy force. It created us, and we are made of it. To say that "god is within us" is correct to a degree. Our spirits, higher selves, subconscious minds are a part of it. Our physical selves are comprised of the planetary elements. Our spirits do not inhabit our bodies, but are more like a cloud, existing in and around our physical bodies.

When I got home I printed the email and taped it to my journal. The date was October 18, 2005.

Some of the things I wrote sounded like things that I believed. Others were things I had never thought of. I was amazed, thrilled, and frightened at the same time.

It was nearly a year later before it happened again, when I started channeling an angelic group who called themselves The Beings of Celestial Light and Intelligence.

The Breakthrough!

Quite often I get an idea in my head and I can't think of anything else. I can't see anything else. This is what I have done regarding our upcoming move. I have become obsessed with finding the right place for my son and I to move. So obsessed, it seems, that I forget what is obvious. I forget what I already know.

I have been driving myself crazy for months asking for signs, getting answers, asking again, getting conflicting answers, becoming confused, becoming obsessed...

Today I pulled out the oracle cards and asked how to go about finding the right best place for my son and I to live.  As I lay out the reading the first card and last cards jump out at me. Protection and Letting Go. I didn't even read the rest of the cards that were on the table. The Protection card reminds that "the subject of your inquiry cannot in any way hurt you as long as you ask for protection". I knew Letting Go was referring to the need to let go of my grip on finding an answer. 

I centered myself, took a deep breath, and asked for protection. For a split second I could feel myself letting go.

There was a shift in the energy around me. Then I saw a forest in front of me. The ground shuffled and the trees moved in such a way that it created a clear pathway. I heard a voice say,  "Any where you go will be safe as long as you ask for protection..."  As I was writing the message down, something else took over and I began automatic writing, channeling.

This was the message I had received:

The answer is not in WHERE you should move. It is in your STATE-OF-MIND while you are there.

Move anywhere you like, but align your thinking and intention with spirit and you will find success and happiness. You will create it!

This feels like a real answer. At last!

Making and Keeping Friends

Let's talk about this. Maybe you should talk and I 'll listen because I don't think I know how it's done.

My struggle with friendships started in the third grade when my best friend dumped me for a kindergartner. Oh the broken heart! What did I do wrong? Somehow I had the feeling it had to do with the fact that my yellow pants with the roller skate embroidered on the back pocket weren't as cool as her red and brown plaid dress with the Winnie the Pooh.

On a trip to California a year later I found my next friend. My new Best Friend. I suppose she still carries that title even though I have been out of touch with her for about seven years.

Growing up in the religion I did was very restrictive. We were only allowed to have friends inside the church. SO when you are a Jehovah's Witness and in a small town it's kind of a double whammy. I made friends with a girl when I was about thirteen, but she lived an hour away and I didn't get to see her very often. We were reacquainted when I was 19 and spent two very fun years together before I got married and moved away.

As far back as I can remember, having strong friendships has been my truest desire. And as I got older this became clear. Why did I want fancy things? Because I hoped it would make people want to be around me. Why did I want to be thin and pretty? Because I thought it would draw people to me.

I am filled with wonder at large groups of friends. How do they do it? Where do they find each other? How does it go from meeting and to no-invitation-required?

A few years ago an acquaintance told me I come across as really weird. I was surprised at the time. I had no idea people think I'm weird. But the more I thought about it, I could see what he may have been talking about. I tend to want to get a feel for a person before I have contact with them. I don't think I can explain what this means. It's just an intuition that tells me if they are OK or not. Something I would not do is psychically intrude on someone else. I don't do that. I think that must be the assumption people make when they find out I am psychic. "Oh no, she can see all my secrets..." I could see some of your secrets if I looked, but I don't.

So, back to the question. How does one find friends and keep them? I have put in a lot of effort over the years trying to make friends, but what ends up happening is the effort, the phone calls, the invitations are not returned. And when I get tired of feeling like an outsider, and stop trying so hard, the "friendships" fizzle.

As I have gotten older, however, I find that my desire to deal with people's crap has significantly diminished. I don't want the drama.

One explanation is that you can only have deep friendships with people who you resonate with. If I clash with someone energetically, we will not be a good match, no matter how much effort is put into it.

I'd love to hear your stories if you want to tell me. How do you make friends and keep them? What can you tell me about friendship?

In Crisis

The last couple of months have been difficult. I think what I'm going through is called a crisis of faith.

In my last blog I wrote about feeling like I could reach out and touch my destiny. It seems that close. But practically by the time I was finished writing that sentence my ego kicked in and I have felt like crap ever since, even though I am a step closer to my dream now than I was then.

I asked for guidance about where my son and I should move and the answer puzzled me. The desert? Really? I am not a sun-lover. I am a fair-skinned red-head. I hate summer. Summer time turns me agoraphobic. So how could this be for the best?

I found some blessed relief when a taste of fall came to our valley. The temporary change of season reminded me how much I love the coastal areas of the Pacific Northwest. I immediately went online and searched the Washington coast for land for sale. Looking at the photographs made me relax when I hadn't been aware that I was tense. "I want THAT," is what I thought. But that thought was immediately followed by remembering the previous guidance. Arizona.

It got me thinking about guidance I have followed in the past, and how miraculous pathways opened up for me to follow said guidance, and how the outcomes turned out... absolutely devastating for me. I bet you thought I was going to tell you that the outcomes are always wonderful and life is la la la la la happy if you follow the guidance of your spirit. But it isn't always true.

So I have been questioning myself a lot lately about my ability to interpret the guidance I receive. Also, I understand that as a clairvoyant I see probabilities not absolutes. This is one of the areas where free-will comes into play.

The thoughts that have been spinning around in my head during this crisis of faith have been (1.) I am total rubbish at interpreting guidance for myself, and/or (2.) The free will of other people keep blocking my chances for happiness. There have been plenty of other negative thoughts as well.

Maybe spirit has been leading me in the direction of learning the life lessons I wanted to learn when I came the earth this time and telling me whatever it can in order for me go in that direction. If that is the case, I don't want to follow guidance from spirit anymore. I am tired of all the painful lessons. I am tired of the hard work. I want something nice, easy, peaceful, and happy. And I don't want the trade-off of having a life like that to be a constant sunburn!

So do I move to Arizona, the direction spirit has pointed me? Or do I follow my heart and go to the coast?

I don't know.

Don't know.