Saturday, February 12, 2011

A Few Odds and Ends...

I find myself in the rare position of having some quiet time right now, as the little one is napping. I'd like to take the opportunity to write a fantastic blog about something profound, but nothing comes to mind. However there are a few odds and ends that I can combine and post here now.

Item 1.
This week I took the ultimate leap and did something I will never EVER be able to change my mind about. I now have two tattoos. And they are not easily hidden. Perhaps you remember this post from over a year ago on body modification."Oh boo-hoo, people will judge me..." or something like that. I've stopped caring about that. My goal was to please myself. And when I am happy with myself, people (whether they are potential clients or potential friends) will be drawn to my happiness. Which brings me to...

Item 2.
In order to be happy, you have to be happy. Or I could put that another way. To have a happy life, you have to have a happy self. It took me 37 years to figure this out. But the realization went something like this, "So, in order for me to be happy... I have to be happy? I have to do things that make me happy..!" Now I get it! And I am living it. Happiness for me! ME! This is not how I was raised to think, so it is a miracle that I was able to make the shift in thinking. Thank goodness for modern miracles.

Item 3.
I have discovered something incredible. As much as I love sex and think about it pretty much all the time, what I discovered is it is not the sex that I crave. It is the connection. I came to this conclusion by accident. On one of my most frustrated days so far I had to do something to work off the energy. I put my kid in the stroller and went for a walk. A couple was walking up the other direction and the man looked at me when they passed. All he did was make eye contact. He didn't even smile, but I felt a huge portion of the frustration leave me. It was very noticeable to me.  Since that day I have practiced with this eye contact thing many times. And it works every time. I had a couple conversations with full eye (not body!) contact and it was euphoric. Euphoric, I say! And the poor guy I was talking to had no idea what hit him. He couldn't take his eyes off of me.  This got me thinking about...

Item 4.
Flirting. I never thought I knew how. And I never wanted to because it felt like manipulation. Not my thing. However, a bit of eye contact seems to make everyone feel good, and there is NOTHING wrong with that!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Shamanic Soul-Retrieval

The other day I decided to do another shamanic soul-retrieval on myself.

The last time I brought an aspect back in this way it took quite a while to reintegrate, and I experienced some odd physical manifestations of her presence in my body. But over time she healed. She was only 7 and I got the chance to mother her the way she needed.

So, I settled in to do the soul-retrieval and asked where I needed to go. I immediately saw a number in my mind's eye. I knew it had to do with something that happened when I was that age. Then I saw a scene from a 3rd person perspective. I was sitting on my bed talking on the phone. I remember the situation.

I was rejected by the person I considered to be the love of my life. The ultimate heartbreak because he loved me too, but couldn't reconcile his feelings with what other people expected of him. That was many years ago. I still love him but we have never spoken again.

The pain of that rejection caused a part of me to withdraw from my consciousness. She was easy to collect again and reintegrate. She seemed to want to come back but was afraid of feeling the pain again. I told her about all the good things in our life now. And that we have a baby who she didn't know. She was glad to be back, able to hold her son.

I can't really describe what is feels like to have an aspect of yourself return to your body. But I could see her entering me and as soon as she was in I had a memory return of something that happened between that guy and me. It was a nice memory. I hadn't thought about it, remembered it at all, but it seems to be the place she was stuck. The place in time she was reliving that kept her separated from my full consciousness for so long.

Anyway, she is back with me and I am definitely feeling her heartbreak. But I know that I will be able to get through this easily enough! I'll just keep focused on all the good that is in my life, because right now is the happiest I've ever been!

You can learn more about soul-retrieval in the book Soul Retrieval: Mending the Fragmented Self by Sandra Ingerman