I love. It's what I do.
Over time it has become clear to me that all love is the same. I love men, women, and children the same. Feeling love for one individual will create the exact same feeling in my body as feeling love for anyone else. Man, woman, or child. Once sexuality has been separated from "love" it is all identical.
I tend to find things out the hard way. Perhaps that's what I need for the lessons to make the biggest impact...
It seems I began this lesson when I started using my psychic abilities as a way of life. There is something indescribable about looking at and merging consciousness with someone's soul. Their truest essence. While I am reading them we are one in spirit. There is an entrainment that happens in order for me to pick up on what is going on in their life. And when that happens I fall in love.
Does that mean that I love everyone who I have psychically picked up information from? No. Many times it makes me shiver and I want to shake the person off. Or take a shower. But when I resonate with someone I love them.
It gets confusing for me though because human nature, with it's many layers of fears and negative experiences, is often so very different from who and what a person's spirit is. The "inside" does not always match the "outside". Psychic awareness has led me to make some odd decisions. I can't say I have made wrong decisions, but I will say that my choices have caused me much grief. And had I understood the distinction between spirit and human years ago I may have followed an easier path.
Now, to make things even more confusing, add sexuality back into the picture. Some people have the experience of being attracted to and falling in love with one person. Or at least one person at a time. I married a man whose spirit I fell in love with. The human side of our relationship was a complete mismatch. Since our separation I have fallen in love with two other people. And I still love both of them. True Love. That is to say I love the truest part of each of them. Without expectation or agenda.
In the past, I chose to reject and suppress my feelings. But that doesn't feel right anymore. So, what to do??
The impossibility of ever again consenting to a strictly monogamous relationship has become abundantly clear to me.
But now lifestyle changes are in order. My old beliefs no longer suit this new awareness. And in this new awareness there is no resonance for limiting beliefs that box me in, or traditional ideas that dictate who I can be with.
When I love I have to be able to express that love or resentment will grow in me like a cancer, fighting something that is unnatural. For me suppression is unnatural.
What does this mean for my future? I have no idea. How will this work in any future relationship? I don't have a clue! But it seems to me, the better I know myself, the more likely I am to find someone who will love the truest part of me. True Love.