tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17200073617779097572024-03-13T22:49:02.572-07:00Leap of FaithContrary to his name, the fool is not a fool. He is open-minded, eager, and fearless. He is excited by possibilities and begins his journey with a leap of faith...Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-37196301782998093882012-01-23T11:14:00.000-08:002012-01-23T13:31:18.616-08:00DedushkaI'm stuck in the muck. For about a month I have been consumed by fear. It feels as though every subconscious negativity inside me has been released to do its worst. So much so that every moment I live on the verge of a panic attack. I don't know what has created this change in me. Couple this with the very creepy dream I had the other night that left me wondering why I hate my sexuality-> my body-> my self. (I also knew from this dream that a healing had taken place on a non-physical level.)<br />
<br />
Last night I fell asleep wanting answers and received a visit from the dead.<br />
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In my dream I was coming out of an indoor stadium. It was filled with people. I knew I had attended some kind of conference. There was a male energy with me as I left the building. He walked slightly behind me (as he always does) so that I was only aware of his presence and was unaware of who he was or what he looked like.<br />
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I saw that there was a scruffy looking old man, a bum, with 2 large key rings full of keys, trying to find a key that would open my car. As I walked up to him I noticed that my car wasn't even locked. I wondered why he thought he needed the keys to get in. He said something to me to the effect of "I don't know why I do these things" or "I don't know where I get the idea to do things like this", "They made me do it". I could smell him and he stank of alcohol. I told him he could get in the car.<br />
<br />
For some reason the car was full of boxes of junk. I hadn't remembered all that stuff was in there.<br />
<br />
The bum found a spot in the backseat to sit as I got behind the wheel. I turned around and looked at him. We kind of studied each other for a second. And then I felt compelled to tell him I worked as a psychic. He smiled a small smile that quickly turned into a cry. Tears were rolling down his face as he smiled at me.<br />
<br />
At first I thought my comment had awakened something in him, helped him make sense of the "odd" things that had happened in his own life. But very clearly, a message came through to me. "I am so proud of you," he said to me.<br />
<br />
At that instant I realized this was my grandfather. My <i>Dedushka</i>.<br />
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He had only made one near-appearance in my adult life. I was doing a lot of channeling for a period in my life. One day I looked down at the message I had channeled and found<a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2010/10/may-8-2007.html" target="_blank"> a message from him</a>. <br />
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My grandfather's appearance wasn't a mere visitation. It has a deep relevance in light of what I was thinking about as I fell asleep. My grandfather was the first person to sexually abuse me. It happened when I was 5 or 6. He had been drunk. <br />
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Was this abuse (or the emotional remnants that I can't seem to get over) represented by the boxes of old junk stored in the car of the dream? That seems to be the case. Had I actively been seeking my grandfather's approval? Not consciously. But it does help to connect all the dots and see how differently I am using my gift than the ancestors who passed this gift on to me. I am proud of that too.<br />
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Despite what he did to me, I feel very neutral about my grandfather. Perhaps because he was already in spirit by the time I remembered. However, the effects of what he did are still with me.<br />
<br />
I am absolutely paranoid about keeping my son safe. I can't bring myself to leave him with a babysitter other than 2 of my dearest friends. And I haven't dated since I split up with his father (over 2 years ago!) because I don't want him to get comfortable around any man (who will surly abuse him when he gets the chance). Fucked-up, right?! I know.<br />
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When I pretend I am someone else and I look at me I see an incredible person, beautiful and strong, and filled with light. But when I look at myself as myself, I see (to put it bluntly) a sack of shit. Is this my grandfather's fault? No. To reference the dream, he is in the backseat. <i>I am the one behind the wheel</i>. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-35825242451462866662011-10-27T09:22:00.000-07:002011-10-27T09:24:19.195-07:00Thoughts on the Occupy Movement<b>You can't force spiritual evolution. </b><br />
Not only is it impossible, it can be damaging to the souls involved. What is greed? It is a deep-seated fear of lack mixed with arrogance. Instead of wanting one's needs met, the ego needs its wants met. And it will go out of its way to satisfy this never ending-desire.<br />
<br />
How can this be changed? The soul needs to grow up.<br />
<br />
When we begin the process of incarnating for spiritual development, we are cut off from Source. The entire process is a journey to get back to Source. Or to put it in more accurate terms, it is a journey to remember oneness of spirit. As the soul ages in regards to its incarnation cycle, it becomes more "enlightened". That means it begins to recognize the light inside and reconnect with it. Eventually, over many lifetimes, the spirit grows up from this egoic, fear-based perspective and begins to act from a higher perspective. One that exemplifies oneness. By its actions, it shows to others that we are all one in spirit. We all come from the same source and make up that Source.<br />
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So, how can it be damaging to try to force spiritual evolution? We have to remember that young souls are full of fear. What happens if a hoarder has his fear of not having enough triggered? He frantically begins holding on to more stuff. This is exactly what is happening in the world regarding money. When the fear of those in control of the world's money is triggered, they will feel they must hold on tighter to it.<br />
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The good news is, as these souls develop spiritually, they will begin to see that the Universe is abundant and there is plenty to go around. Fear dissipates.<br />
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<b>Violence begets more violence.</b><br />
Now that these peaceful protests have turned violent they will get more media attention. Unfortunately, the attention will highlight the violence. This will have everyone who sees it focused on violence.<br />
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We get what we give our attention to. This is a basic universal principle.<br />
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What do you want to create? What are you giving your attention to? <br />
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<b>Balance.</b><br />
When it comes down to it, every individual is making a choice who they are giving their money to every time they spend it. Whose wallet are you feeding?<br />
<br />
The only person we change is ourselves. It is my hope that enough people start making adjustments in their own behavior that we begin to see a global evening-out of the abundance the Universe provides freely to us all.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-8498575279686899282011-09-18T12:56:00.000-07:002011-09-29T02:02:12.100-07:00The Internal SoundtrackIt seems like there's always a song playing in the back of my mind. And when I pay attention to it it has always been a good indication of my life stages. <br />
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Sometimes it's a disappointing heads-up. Like the time when the song stuck in my head was "I Can't Make You Love Me". It was true afterall... And once enough time had passed I learned to appreciate the saying, "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it!"<br />
<br />
So imagine my enthusiasm a few weeks ago when I noticed my internal soundtrack was tuned to a song that was a favorite of mine when I was a little kid. The song used to give me warm fuzzies because it sounded exactly like the kind of life I wanted to live. <br />
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The song's recent return to my awareness gives me a lot to look forward to as I start to rebuild my life. Also some great advice. Love. Keep things simple. And life will be sweet. :)<br />
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<br />
Sweet Life by Paul Davis<br />
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<blockquote>
She's got your eyes<br />
She's got my nose<br />
Oh, and I get high just watching her grow<br />
We always dreamed we'd live in a castle, oh but<br />
We're in the same old shack<br />
Sometimes we get into a hassle<br />
But we always take each other back<br />
Oh, you know<br />
This whole world seem to be in a hurry<br />
But darlin' we'll just keep on taking our time<br />
'Cause we're living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life<br />
Sharing my love with you<br />
Oh, we're living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life<br />
making our dreams come true<br />
we're makin our dreams come true<br />
<br />
You are my love<br />
You are my life<br />
Oh, and I get high just holding you tight<br />
we always dreamed we'd make a lot of money, oh but<br />
I don't mind being poor<br />
'Cause when you make love to me, honey<br />
I couldn't ask for anymore<br />
Oh, you know, all our friends seem to be in a hurry<br />
But darlin' we'll just keep on taking our time<br />
We're living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life<br />
Sharing my love with you<br />
We're living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life<br />
Making our dreams come true<br />
We're making our dreams come true<br />
Oh, oh<br />
We're living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life<br />
Sharing my love with you<br />
We're living such a sweet life, oh what a neat life<br />
Making our dreams come true<br />
We're making our dreams come true.</blockquote>
<br />Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-11453477373221986652011-09-14T17:20:00.000-07:002011-09-15T04:06:13.095-07:00My Life Is Crazy. Or Is It Just Me?I haven't posted for a while because things have been crazy. C. R. A. Z. Y.<br />
<br />
While making plans and arrangements regarding my move to Austin TX, it was clear to me that I didn't want to go. But I felt that I needed to move somewhere with more people in order to make a living. I haven't been doing so well in that department...I said to the universe, "If this is not the right thing for us then something better happen to prevent me from doing it, because this is my plan!"<br />
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Feelings of being abandoned by spirit left me without expectation of a response.<br />
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Two weeks later the alternator in my truck caught fire. Not only did it take the money I had saved for the move to fix it, it also threw off the entire time line. In order to save that money again I would need another month or two. That meant staying where we were a little longer. But because another couple of months put us too close to winter, with it's snowy mountain passes, we would have to stay put until spring.<br />
<br />
I had an entire day to get used to the idea when something else happened.<br />
<br />
While I was at the shop picking my truck up from the mechanic I got a phone call from my mother. She never calls me. I answered the phone with "what's wrong?!" She was crying and said she just left the hospital. They had run a bunch of tests on her heart. They told her the heart is OK. She wasn't having heart attacks, it was severe anxiety attacks. This was her second trip to the ER within a few days of each other.<br />
<br />
Then she tells me that 3 weeks ago she fell and broke her ankle. When the anxiety attacks had her in the ER the first time the ER doctor did an x-ray on her ankle and saw that it hadn't healed at all. He told her that she was going to need surgery.<br />
<br />
She has no medical insurance, and so by the time she called me she was absolutely panicking! I asked her if she wanted to come and stay with me, and she said no and asked if we could come and stay with her. Of course I could. She said she would need help for a couple of months and I told her if we came over it would have to be for long enough that I could save the money I needed to move back to the mailand and reestablish a life when it was time. I told her if I came I'd have to stay for 6 months.<br />
<br />
We talked about the possibility of David and I moving here permanently. She told me she would babysit him if I got a job. This seemed like a great idea. I would love for him to spend time with family. So I began to seriously consider staying in Hawaii instead of moving to Austin. I had already calculated the cost of putting my stuff in storage for six months and decided I'd be better off selling what I could and donating the rest.<br />
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Within 3 days of my mother's call I had given notice on my apartment, bought plane tickets, listed my furniture for sale, and started sorting out my stuff. In the end, I mailed one big box of stuff to my mother's house in Hawaii and checked 6 suitcases onto the plane. I sold the toddler bed, my desk, couch, and recliner. Everything else was either donated to a thrift store or given to friends. 4 truck loads of stuff. It was a bit traumatic.<br />
<br />
That last month went by fast. But I was missing my friends before I even left. And was having anxiety and nightmares about moving in with my mother. We have never really seen eye to eye about anything. There are problems there, to say the least, as she is a Jehovah's Witness and can not accept the things in my life that contradict what her church teaches. She even gave me a list of things I was restricted to do, and websites I was forbidden to look at while I was here. It made me angry at first but when she told me what the restrictions were I had to laugh. She had some pretty odd ideas about what I do with my time and what kind of books I probably read. These were assumptions of course, because she has never wanted to talk to me about what I do as a psychic or how I do it.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile... My mother had applied for health insurance and was finally able to make her first appointment with the orthopedic doctor. The appointment was scheduled the same day my son and I arrived. We all got a bit of a shock.<br />
<br />
The orthopedic doctor told her that her ankle was in great condition. She would not need surgery and could start working again. In fact, he told her, the ER doctor was absolutely wrong in everything he told her regarding her ankle. There should have been no expectation of the ankle bone being mended at 3 weeks. He scared the shit out of her for no reason. And he dramatically changed the course of all our lives by being flippant and ignorant.<br />
<br />
We have both been quite stoic about this, understanding that something greater had to be at work here for events to have lined up the way they did. We know there is a reason I'm here and we are trying to figure out what it is.<br />
<br />
The first several days were very difficult. Ugh! She was angry every time she turned around and we were there. She wouldn't tell me what she wanted done and then got mad at me when I didn't do it. Every time David threw a fit she would get angry and tell me she can't live like this. She was discouraging me from buying furniture or a bed for our room and kept saying things about us moving out in a month. I was panicking and had to remind her of our agreement and the reasons why I couldn't move out in a month. Because I have no money left and no things! We have worked a lot of this stuff out and things are going better.<br />
<br />
The areas that are going smoothly between us are a bit of a surprise to me. We have been able to talk about what I do and I have found when I use her vocabulary to describe what I do we are actually in agreement about most things! She instinctively understands some deep metaphysical concepts. However she always ties them back in somehow so that they coincide with what her church teaches. This is strange to me. I think it has been a big relief to her to discover that I didn't bring "demons" into her house by being a psychic, and that the thing she calls God is still the focus of my life.<br />
<br />
Something else surprising is her request for healing. I have done energy work on her nearly every day. And she is feeling great improvement. I gave her my copy of You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and she is reading it. She keeps coming to me and saying, "Look what she says here... That's what I believe!" or "That's what I always say..."<br />
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She is also helping me with David to keep his tantrums under control. He is acting out more than usual now that there is someone new in the picture who is always around. Testing his boundaries. The thing that has helped me the most is just to hear that I am doing the same thing she would have suggested in response to his tantrums. A little emotional support goes a long way!<br />
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Within my first few days here I was offered a job at the salon where my mother works part time. She said if we worked opposite days she could watch David while I worked. I was excited until I learned she had more than babysitting in mind. She is a full-time minister in her church. This means that she spends a certain number of hours every month going door-to-door. You know those people who knock on your door early Saturday morning? That's my mother... Her idea of babysitting was to take David with her while she went door-to-door. Hell no! or something similar was my response.<br />
<br />
I decided that what I really wanted was to move back home as soon as I have enough money saved. Sure I could make a lot more money here, but I'd rather be home with my friends. Moving home early means that I will not have the cash in hand to build the tiny house that I wanted. I may never be able to do that now. But I will have people around me who love me for who I am and that is more important.<br />
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I have seen very little of the island since we've been here. And I didn't want to make an uninformed decision about returning home instead of staying here near family. So we made plans to visit the other side of the island yesterday. There is a town that I was drawn to on the map and I wanted to see it. I told the universe, "I'm moving back home unless a miracle happens..." I had a great fantasy play through my head about walking into a cool-looking shop and the owner offering me a job as a psychic. And, of course, my schedule would be immediately full. Haha!<br />
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I think I may have received my miracle, albeit a different miracle than I had envisioned. On the drive to the other side of the island yesterday we came upon a sign for road work and my mother promptly stopped the car and turned around. She said she didn't want to sit in the car for an hour for road work. Bye-bye Haiku, wish I could have met you. Bye-bye cool shop. Bye-bye amazing fantasy job. Bye-bye full appointment book. Bye-bye Hawaii.<br />
<br />
More than anything, I just want to go home. I want my life back. I want my friends! And I want to change my mindset because I am imagining that moving back home means I'm going to struggle to make ends meet and I will have to spend the rest of my life without a partner who loves me. I will work on that attitude before I get home. But even if that turns out to be the way it is, I will be home!Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-74220183165677038732011-06-06T08:52:00.000-07:002011-06-06T09:28:38.362-07:00Neurobiology and Happiness (a.k.a, The Smiley Meditation)I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I have had the chance to re-read my <a href="http://www.kryon.com/altindex.html">Kryon</a> books. Kryon is a group of angels who <a href="http://www.kryon.com/k_25.html#about">channel</a> through Lee Carroll. I love the feel of the information. It is very uplifting. I also bought a new book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Buddhas-Brain-Practical-Neuroscience-Happiness/dp/1572246952/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1307366425&sr=8-1"> Buddha's Brain,The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom</a>.<br /><br />On the surface it may not seem like the two books would have anything in common. However, they seem to compliment each other very well.<br /><br />I was in the middle of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/New-Dispensation-Plain-Confusing-Times/dp/1888053143/ref=sr_1_14?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1307377677&sr=1-14">Kryon Book 10</a> the day Buddha's Brain came in the mail. I stopped reading right where I was and started the new book. The following is from the last couple of pages I read in Kryon Book 10 before I started on the new book.<br /><br /><blockquote><b>Predisposition</b><br /><br />What is predisposed in your body? What disease are you going to get because your brother got one or your sister or cousin? This is plain talk. Why don't you eliminate that? This information is about self-empowerment. It's about asking yourself, the Divine-Self, questions about God. Use the power of your own Human consciousness in what you've called intent, every day of your life. Talk to your cellular structure. Maybe it's time you stopped talking with Spirit for a while and instead talked to the Higher-Self within? Do you know that there are trillions of cells waiting for the boss to talk to them?<br /><br />Some of you have never even addressed your cellular structure, and you wonder why it is out of balance! Have you ever sat down and had a meeting with your body? Perhaps this is something to do alone and not around your friends [good advice]. Then after you've healed yourself and balanced yourself and enabled yourself, they might notice.<i> "Whatever happened to that problem you used to have?"</i> they might ask. And you could say,<i> "Well, I had a meeting with my cells, and boy, were they glad to hear from me! Because I never talked to them before. I've been alive all these years and I never knew I could. You won't believe what they were going to do on their own! So I rewrote their schedule. I created something - a longer life."</i> Now perhaps you'll also start understanding how peace is created in you and what happens when a number of people create peace in themselves...</blockquote><br /> Ahhh, talk to my cells...<br /><br />I have done something similar in the past. I used visualizations and affirmations to cure a very serious health condition. I know first-hand that it is possible to redirect the way the body works.<br /><br />When I ordered Buddha's Brain I wanted to learn to be happy. I wanted a general, sustainable, every-day feeling of happiness. The last couple of months have been very difficult for me, and I really want to get past it. I want to feel like I did before. And (in true Mishell fashion) I wanted it quickly.<br /><br />I found what I needed within the first chapter of the new book.<br /><br />Don't let the word neuroscience intimidate you. This is really easy to understand.<br /><br />Neurons release neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that send signals to cells. The neuron releases the neurotransmitter, which travels across the synapse (the tiny space between cell and neuron), and moves into it's place at the other side of the synapse. It looks like this:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SVrrzgHJvPo/Tezm1KxJ69I/AAAAAAAAASw/LM-sd5F3_uY/s1600/Neuron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SVrrzgHJvPo/Tezm1KxJ69I/AAAAAAAAASw/LM-sd5F3_uY/s400/Neuron.jpg" border="0" width="400" height="260" /></a></div><br /><br />If I wanted to use this information to create a visualization for increased happiness, what would those neurotransmitters look like? They'd look like this:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uEf9JCaPJCU/TezvVC3-OaI/AAAAAAAAAS0/7p0q7IclMCY/s1600/smileys_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uEf9JCaPJCU/TezvVC3-OaI/AAAAAAAAAS0/7p0q7IclMCY/s200/smileys_2.jpg" border="0" width="199" height="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rc_vO4deJ-A/TezwIjizAHI/AAAAAAAAAS4/TdKPGixucDw/s1600/LOL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rc_vO4deJ-A/TezwIjizAHI/AAAAAAAAAS4/TdKPGixucDw/s200/LOL.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I know it's funny and seems simplistic, but that's <i>exactly</i> the point! It is simple. And I have had terrific success making myself feel better using this visualization. I close my eyes, take a couple deep breaths, and think about my cells filling with these smiley-faced neurotransmitters. I am immediately filled with a sense of well-being. Sometimes I am even brought to laughter. If that isn't healing, what is??</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">What do you think the outcome would be if you used this simple meditation on a situation that makes you sad? What would happen in your body if you infused that situation with happiness?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-53926309088073633722011-05-17T21:58:00.000-07:002011-06-05T20:24:09.503-07:00NexusThis morning I had one of my favorite kind of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcendence_%28philosophy%29">transcendental</a> experiences. I saw beyond the illusion, to what our reality is made up of.<br /><br />As I stood on my front step, I turned and looked back behind me. I saw what you would expect to see... The wall, the ground covered with little purple flowers, and a portion of the sky.<br /><br />All of a sudden, the scene turned into a picture. It had lost its 3 dimensional quality. The picture fractured and pieces began to fall away. When the image was gone, I saw what was underneath. Nothing. There was nothing but blackness.<br /><br />As I focused on the black I began to see energy. Waves and clouds. There were patterns in the energy and I could also make out symbols. It looked like a very long mathematical problem, but with letters and symbols I am not math-savvy enough to understand.<br /><br />I have only seen similar "math problems" twice before.<br /><br />The experience only lasted a moment. But as I stood there, surrounded by blackness, time stopped.<br /><br />I found myself in authenticity.<br /><br />I was at the nexus, experiencing the creation of the physical "reality" we humans cling to.<br /><br />Sometimes I look at my life and see chaos. Sometimes I get to see the underlying order. And it feels as elementary as 1+1=2.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-20287448798674022022011-04-20T23:31:00.000-07:002011-04-20T23:31:22.526-07:00Bluebirds. And "Who Do You Ask for Guidance?"Today I experienced miracle. I asked for a sign. A very specific sign. And I received it.<br />
<br />
As I was sitting on my front step this morning a scenario was playing through my mind. Decisions, changes, and possible outcomes scurried around in my thoughts. I put a question out into the universe. "Am I making the right decision?" I asked for a sign that this was the right thing for me. I wanted to see a bluebird.<br />
<br />
I got busy and forgot about asking the question until, while out for a walk this afternoon, I saw a bluebird. It was sitting on a fencepost and at first glance I thought it was a ceramic figurine. Then it flew up and landed in a nearby tree... Right next to a second bluebird! Before today I had only seen one bluebird in my entire life. This was truly the answer to my question!<br />
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I posted this experience on my Facebook page when I got home and later in the day I received an email from an old friend. She asked me who I direct my questions to when I ask for help. A very good question, I think, because my answer has changed from what it would have been a few years ago and is different than anything I have read.<br />
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When I ask for guidance, I just put it out there for anyone to help. I know there are those in spirit whose job it is to help. They love it when we ask because we are more receptive to receiving the signs they are already sending to us.<br />
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I used to say that I was asking spirit guides or angels. However, what seems to be the reality is it is myself that I am addressing. <br />
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When I talk about "they" and "them" who send the signs, I am talking about the consciousness of energies that exist in the higher levels. Yes, it is a part of me, and it's a part of you. But it's energy signature is one that never really reaches the Earth level. It is a part of me that never resides in my body, only in the higher levels. <br />
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We exist on multiple levels at the same time. The way I see it is we are made up of many many different layers. Each layer has a different energetic vibration. These energy bodies get lighter and lighter (and farther away from the human body) until each person's energy bodies cross into each other. Eventually, they unite. This is why it is true when people say we are all one. This also makes it true that there is a god "somewhere out there". Each of us at our highest level is god, the god who is really nothing more than the energy of love, and is comprised of the higher energy bodies of every living thing.<br />
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I ask "spirit" for guidance. I use spirit as a general term for the awareness in any of my energy layers that are lighter than me, closer to source energy (god energy). Asking guidance from this love energy ensures that the outcome will be the best for everyone involved, not just the best for me from my clouded human perspective.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-89271598782207821852011-04-19T10:31:00.000-07:002011-04-19T10:31:08.053-07:00Asking why. On Trust, Fear, and Patience.I find myself asking why.<br />
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When I reach out to the universe for the answer to this question I feel tightness in my throat and stomach and my head is awash with questions.<br />
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Do I want to know why in an effort to control my situation? Is it a control issue to need to make sense out of something confusing? Or is the issue one of letting go and trusting in the universe to bring me to my highest good?<br />
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If the universe brings me my highest good then I am brought back to asking why. Why would something so random and unlikely create such a powerful change in me that I am forced into a state of complete upheaval? Is that the answer? Had I been lulled to sleep by contentedness and missed the guidance to go in another direction? Were my desires lit and stomped out by the universe in an effort to trigger my habit of running away? It is, after all, a well-established pattern.<br />
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Or could the lesson be one of patience?<br />
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Over time the threat of not having my needs met has caused me to look for quick solutions. Instant gratification seems to hold back the tide of longing that amounts to oceans of fear.<br />
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Lack of patience is all about fear.<br />
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That is something I have never consciously considered before!<br />
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Since starting on a spiritual path my personal goal has been to remove fear from my life. And I have done well in many areas that have caused me to feel fear in the past. I have come to terms with my psychic abilities. I have learned to open my heart and share myself with other people despite the chance I may have to live with rejection afterwards. I am bold, daring, and always ready to take a chance at something new or unconventional. In many respects I am fearless.<br />
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However, the fear of lack is a ghost always whispering in my ear. I’m not afraid of lacking things. I don’t really care about things. But I still carry a lot of fear when it comes to my relationships with other people. Most of the time I would rather attempt to entirely eliminate any need for another person rather than own to my actually needing someone else. So I learn all I can, and do everything for myself. Do I fear not having people in my life so I respond proactively by removing any need for them? If I don't need them they can never let me down.<br />
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This fear of trusting someone else could be the heart of my difficulties with being patient.<br />
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Now, it seems, I start a new chapter. Be patient and learn to trust.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-58044517862360626902011-04-12T12:50:00.002-07:002011-04-12T13:00:29.797-07:00Gifting Heart Chakra EnergyIt was a spur of the moment idea. I had been doing energy work and clearing my chakras. My heart felt so full of love it was spilling over. So with my thoughts and intention, I invited anyone who wanted to share this energy with me.<br /><br />With my mind's eye, I saw the space around me fill with people who wanted to share the energy. Some of them I knew, and some were total strangers.<br /><br />Their reactions took me by surprise. For the most part, the strangers appeared to me as shadows. They filed in, stood in my energy field, and left with no emotion. They remained shadows. However, those I knew appeared with their full personalities.<br /><br />I began doing this exercise as a result of some<a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2010/12/love-and-healing.html"> information I channeled</a> in December and have been doing it almost daily ever since.<br /><br />There is always something unique that happens with every session and I find it beautiful the way our collective spirit(s) responds to the invitation of love.<br /><br />Here are a few of the experiences that stand out the most to me...<br /><br />I have seen strangers bring friends with them. And have also noticed that the number of strangers that show up increases every time I do the exercise. Sometimes I get a scene in my mind's eye of a busy hospital waiting room. And that is appropriate in a way because heart chakra energy is healing energy.<br /><br />E is someone I have known for a really long time. She is a dear friend and she knows I love her because I have told her many times. However, when I sent out the thought to share the heart chakra energy, she stood just at the edge of the energy field. She looked very sad, as if she thought the invitation was for everyone else and not her. I had to specifically invite her in.<br /><br />Another friend I'll call C jumped right in and started dancing around, pleased as punch to be there! This made me laugh, as she always does.<br /><br />L is a bit aloof in life, but when I sent out the intention to share the energy, he was one of the first to arrive. He hugged me and would not let go throughout the entire exercise. In fact, this is the way he responds nearly every time I offer to share heart chakra energy.<br /><br />J was a brand new friend who I hardly knew at all, but he made himself right at home. He swam around in my energy field. He glided and swirled around me like an eel. Not only did he soak up the heart chakra energy, he also sent out to me what seemed like electricity. This electricity opened my heart chakra even further and I began to channel universal energy through my crown chakra and out my heart. This intensified the experience for everyone involved. It was truly incredible, and almost ecstatic!<br /><br />It is a simple exercise for anyone who would like to do it. Imagine the heart chakra as a pink ball of light. This light should be crystal clear, and situated in the middle of your chest. Take a deep breath and allow the energy ball to grow until it is as big as you can get it. Then in your mind, send out the offer to share this heart chakra energy with anyone who would like to share it.<br /><br />It's a great way to spread the love and raise your vibration.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-839050999509138902011-03-29T16:14:00.000-07:002011-03-29T16:14:23.363-07:00Regarding LoveI love. It's what I do.<br />
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Over time it has become clear to me that all love is the same. I love men, women, and children the same. Feeling love for one individual will create the exact same feeling in my body as feeling love for anyone else. Man, woman, or child. Once sexuality has been separated from "love" it is all identical.<br />
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I tend to find things out the hard way. Perhaps that's what I need for the lessons to make the biggest impact...<br />
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It seems I began this lesson when I started using my psychic abilities as a way of life. There is something indescribable about looking at and merging consciousness with someone's soul. Their truest essence. While I am reading them we are one in spirit. There is an entrainment that happens in order for me to pick up on what is going on in their life. And when that happens I fall in love.<br />
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Does that mean that I love everyone who I have psychically picked up information from? No. Many times it makes me shiver and I want to shake the person off. Or take a shower. But when I resonate with someone I love them.<br />
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It gets confusing for me though because human nature, with it's many layers of fears and negative experiences, is often so very different from who and what a person's spirit is. The "inside" does not always match the "outside". Psychic awareness has led me to make some odd decisions. I can't say I have made <i>wrong </i>decisions, but I will say that my choices have caused me much grief. And had I understood the distinction between spirit and human years ago I may have followed an easier path.<br />
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Now, to make things even more confusing, add sexuality back into the picture. Some people have the experience of being attracted to and falling in love with one person. Or at least one person at a time. I married a man whose spirit I fell in love with. The human side of our relationship was a complete mismatch. Since our separation I have fallen in love with two other people. And I still love both of them. True Love. That is to say I love the truest part of each of them. Without expectation or agenda.<br />
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In the past, I chose to reject and suppress my feelings. But that doesn't feel right anymore. So, what to do??<br />
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The impossibility of ever again consenting to a strictly monogamous relationship has become abundantly clear to me. <br />
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But now lifestyle changes are in order. My old beliefs no longer suit this new awareness. And in this new awareness there is no resonance for limiting beliefs that box me in, or traditional ideas that dictate who I can be with.<br />
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When I love I have to be able to express that love or resentment will grow in me like a cancer, fighting something that is unnatural. For me suppression is unnatural.<br />
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What does this mean for my future? I have no idea. How will this work in any future relationship? I don't have a clue! But it seems to me, the better I know myself, the more likely I am to find someone who will love the truest part of me. True Love.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-10676510674741176322011-02-12T15:16:00.000-08:002011-02-12T15:16:41.656-08:00A Few Odds and Ends...I find myself in the rare position of having some quiet time right now, as the little one is napping. I'd like to take the opportunity to write a fantastic blog about something profound, but nothing comes to mind. However there are a few odds and ends that I can combine and post here now.<br />
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Item 1.<br />
This week I took the ultimate leap and did something I will never EVER be able to change my mind about. I now have two tattoos. And they are not easily hidden. Perhaps you remember this <a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2009/12/body-modification.html">post</a> from over a year ago on body modification."Oh boo-hoo, people will judge me..." or something like that. I've stopped caring about that. My goal was to please myself. And when I am happy with myself, people (whether they are potential clients or potential friends) will be drawn to my happiness. Which brings me to...<br />
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Item 2.<br />
In order to be happy, you have to be happy. Or I could put that another way. To have a happy life, you have to have a happy self. It took me 37 years to figure this out. But the realization went something like this, "So, in order for me to be happy... I have to be happy? I have to do things that make me happy..!" Now I get it! And I am living it. Happiness for me! ME! This is not how I was raised to think, so it is a miracle that I was able to make the shift in thinking. Thank goodness for modern miracles.<br />
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Item 3.<br />
I have discovered something incredible. As much as <a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2010/12/sex-monogamy-masterbation-and-being.html">I love sex</a> and think about it pretty much all the time, what I discovered is it is not the sex that I crave. It is the connection. I came to this conclusion by accident. On one of my most frustrated days so far I had to do something to work off the energy. I put my kid in the stroller and went for a walk. A couple was walking up the other direction and the man looked at me when they passed. All he did was make eye contact. He didn't even smile, but I felt a huge portion of the frustration leave me. It was very noticeable to me. Since that day I have practiced with this eye contact thing many times. <i>And it works every time</i>. I had a couple conversations with full eye (not body!) contact and it was euphoric. Euphoric, I say! And the poor guy I was talking to had no idea what hit him. He couldn't take his eyes off of me. This got me thinking about...<br />
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Item 4.<br />
Flirting. I never thought I knew how. And I never wanted to because it felt like manipulation. Not my thing. However, a bit of eye contact seems to make everyone feel good, and there is NOTHING wrong with that!Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-36003800863667696952011-02-03T18:12:00.003-08:002011-02-20T08:29:57.341-08:00Shamanic Soul-RetrievalThe other day I decided to do another shamanic soul-retrieval on myself.<br /><br />The <a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2010/06/soul-loss.html">last time</a> I brought an aspect back in this way it took quite a while to reintegrate, and I experienced some odd physical manifestations of her presence in my body. But over time she healed. She was only 7 and I got the chance to mother her the way she needed.<br /><br />So, I settled in to do the soul-retrieval and asked where I needed to go. I immediately saw a number in my mind's eye. I knew it had to do with something that happened when I was that age. Then I saw a scene from a 3rd person perspective. I was sitting on my bed talking on the phone. I remember the situation.<br /><br />I was rejected by the person I considered to be the love of my life. The ultimate heartbreak because he loved me too, but couldn't reconcile his feelings with what other people expected of him. That was many years ago. I still love him but we have never spoken again.<br /><br />The pain of that rejection caused a part of me to withdraw from my consciousness. She was easy to collect again and reintegrate. She seemed to want to come back but was afraid of feeling the pain again. I told her about all the good things in our life now. And that we have a baby who she didn't know. She was glad to be back, able to hold her son.<br /><br />I can't really describe what is feels like to have an aspect of yourself return to your body. But I could see her entering me and as soon as she was in I had a memory return of something that happened between that guy and me. It was a nice memory. I hadn't thought about it, remembered it at all, but it seems to be the place she was stuck. The place in time she was reliving that kept her separated from my full consciousness for so long.<br /><br />Anyway, she is back with me and I am definitely feeling her heartbreak. But I know that I will be able to get through this easily enough! I'll just keep focused on all the good that is in my life, because right now is the happiest I've ever been!<br /><br />You can learn more about soul-retrieval in the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Retrieval-Mending-Fragmented-Self/dp/0061227862/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296785290&sr=8-1">Soul Retrieval: Mending the Fragmented Self by Sandra Ingerman </a>Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-90662625136682780492011-01-30T07:43:00.001-08:002011-04-11T15:48:53.029-07:00Self LoveMy resolution this year was to show love and compassion for everyone including myself. I threw that "including myself" in there at the last moment, not realizing at the time that<i> that</i> was the direction my next life lessons were going to move me.<br /><br />I know I started out loving myself. But over time it dwindled. I was made fun of every time I was caught looking in the mirror. And by the time I was 7 it was a family joke. 30 years later it is still a family joke. And that was just for looking in the mirror. God help me if I was caught smiling into the mirror or touching my face. The teasing would go on for days. Or years as it happens...<br /><br />I learned to think that appreciating myself was vain. Vanity was bad. I learned that if it was funny that I liked what I saw in the mirror, then my opinion must be flawed. I must be wrong. I must be ugly. I learned this very young and the way of thinking became a habit. My constant companion. As you know, old habits are the hardest to break.<br /><br />As I got older I had a talent for attracting people to me who made me feel bad about myself. Usually this was through their indifference to me. In my last relationship I don't think I was complimented more than a few times in 3 years.<br /><br />One of my <a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2010/04/im-hearing-love-songs-in-my-sleep.html">early blog entries</a> was about song lyric messages that I was receiving. Love songs. I've been getting these messages all along. The last one was yesterday morning as I was waking up. So, as you might expect, I have been waiting for someone to fall in love with me. But yesterday it finally occurred to me that it was <i>me</i> that needed to fall in love with me.<br /><br />I mentioned advice I channeled about <a href="http://mishell-leap-of-faith.blogspot.com/2010/12/love-and-healing.html">clearing heart chakra blockages</a>. I followed the advice and began removing blocks and charging up my heart chakra every day. I started noticing synchronicity right away. And almost like in an investigation, one clue leads to another, which leads to another... Finally there is a clear picture.<br /><br />I followed the clues and was led to a new friend. A teacher. Someone who knows what I do not. My intent is to retrain my thinking so that I recognize how lovable I am. To see that it isn't bad to think I'm beautiful. To never fear rejection because it isn't a reflection of my worthiness...<br /><br />One of my favorite quotes is this: "When the student is ready, the teacher will come."<br /><br />I'm ready!Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-81299105844691600982011-01-07T07:39:00.001-08:002011-01-07T20:09:40.308-08:00IlluminationIt's kind of funny how simple messages don't make any sense, and then out of the blue the switch flips and the message becomes easily understandable. The light comes on. Everything is illuminated.<br /><br />I have a friendship that is almost entirely founded upon text messages. It is a frustrating relationship. There is little to no human interaction. This is not what I want. So, I invite my friend over. But for some reason or another my friend can't make it. I try to take each instance on it's own merit rather than adding up all the occurrences and drawing some kind of conclusion. But in the end I am left with feelings of rejection. The pain of this is acute. Rejection is my worst fear.<br /><br />Christmas morning I woke up from a dream in which I received a text message from this friend. At the end of the message the phone gave me the opportunity to "continue" or "reject". I chose to continue. I woke up irritated with myself. I want the hurt to end, and yet when given the opportunity to reject it all, I hit the "continue" button?!<br /><br />Meanwhile, the Universe has been sending me different versions of the same message. Over and over I am told to get clear about what I want. These words are simple, and yet they make no sense to me.<br /><br />This morning I woke up singing a song to myself. Not the whole song, just one line. "But I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms..." I looked at the clock and it was only 5 something. I tried to go back to sleep, but I could not get the song out of my head. After 12 minutes of this I became lucid enough to remind myself to write it down in my dream journal. All of a sudden I could hear another message underneath the words of the song. Someone was saying to me, "Mishell, decide what you want. Don't just accept what you can get."<br /><br />And the light finally came on.<br /><br />Growing up we were always told, whether outright or indirectly, to take what is given and and don't even <i>think</i> about wanting anything else! Accept and settle. And be grateful too, because it's this or nothing.<br /><br />The idea was injected into every facet of my life for many many years. From the food we ate and the clothes we wore, to the people we were allowed to form any kind of interpersonal relationship with...<br /><br />Accept and settle.<br /><br />I wasn't aware that I was still holding on to this limiting belief. <br /><br />If this really is <a href="http://www.colettebaronreid.com/blog/featured/2011-year-balance-manifestation-happy-year/">the year of manifesting</a>, then it is time to get clear about what I want.<br /><br />As much as I love all my far-away friends, and as much as I appreciate them (You!) for being connected to me (albeit virtually) through some of the most difficult and alone years of my life, what I want now is to make friends that I can touch. To reach out for a hug or a pat on the back. To grow rooted relationships <i>with people that I choose</i> in this place that I live and love.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-15586992011601321562010-12-27T08:32:00.000-08:002010-12-27T08:32:23.725-08:00Tarot - My WayI guess I read tarot a little differently than most. I use a modified Celtic Cross spread, and then read the cards as if they were sentences. There are 4 sentences. I read middle, bottom, and top lines, then the line on the right side that goes from the bottom up.<br />
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The layout looks something like this:<br />
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9 <br />
4 8 <br />
3 1 5 7 <br />
2 6<br />
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I interpret the cards based on the traditional meanings and I also pick up information psychically. When I have finished the traditionally-styled reading, I start over. This time I hold my hands over the cards and channel information that may or may not be related to the first reading. It feels like the cards are talking to me. This reading tends to be full of more personal information and advice.<br />
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I do my own tarot reading a few times a year. It one of the easiest ways for me to be objective about information that I receive about myself.<br />
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This was my reading from yesterday:<br />
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1. The World<br />
2. King of Wands<br />
3. 10 of Wands<br />
4. King of Pentacles<br />
5. 5 of Pentacles<br />
6. 10 of Cups<br />
7. 3 of Pentacles<br />
8. 10 of Pentacles<br />
9. The Lovers<br />
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<ol><li>A new beginning where the world seems to be at your fingertips! Be cautious about your perspective. Be cautious about how much you take on. Do not over do it or you will face an "energy deficit" that will rob you of the ability to perform [take part] [participate in] [enjoy] your craft.</li>
<li>A man, who by his [absence] [disinterest?] brings the lesson of what it means to be complete.</li>
<li>A man who brings a business opportunity.</li>
<li>Love what you do. Find fulfillment in it. Find that part you think is missing.</li>
</ol><ul><li>This is the time you have been looking forward to.</li>
<li>Do not deny the stirrings of your heart; your soul. The more you learn about yourself, the easier it will be to find what it is you truly desire. </li>
<li>Let go of expectations. Stop assigning meaning to each event that transpires in your interpersonal relationships. Do not add them up as if they were a mathematical equation. You will not get the proper solution. They do not add up to what you think they do...</li>
<li>Let go of the mental burdens you carry! Beliefs are meant to be challenged! Long-standing assumptions will be met head-on and proved to be without value or merit.</li>
<li>Accept help when it is offered.</li>
<li>A shift in perspective is all that is required of you to see how rich you are [with companions]. Loneliness is poverty for those who are not generous with themselves. Share who you are! Share what you know. Share love!</li>
<li>Some things are meant to be secret until the time is right. But know this: The life you've envisioned is already as real as it can be. When your eyes have opened enough to see it, you will find that it has been in place all along. It is existing in another reality and only requires a shifted perspective for it to be real in the reality where your awareness is focused.</li>
<li>What you want is there, but you still have to bring it into consciousness.</li>
</ul>My favorite piece of information in this reading was the part about adding events together as if they were math problems. I've always done this! "So, this happened, then this happened, so it must mean ..." But it looks like I have been drawing the wrong conclusions.<br />
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This is the first thing I can change that will help in the shifted perspective I've been asked to develop.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-51524284829432226552010-12-22T19:05:00.006-08:002010-12-24T18:20:43.960-08:00Sex, Monogamy, Masturbation, and Being a Single MomLet's talk about sex, BAY BE...<br /><br />This is gonna get personal. And please forgive me if it turns into a rant.<br /><br /><b>Sex</b><br />As a very brief introduction I will say that my sex drive completely disappeared the second I got pregnant with my son. But now an unfortunate thing has occurred. My sex drive has returned. The sleeping giant has awoken!<br /><br />It's a painful existence for this poor giant. Let's just be honest here. I've spent most of my adult life painfully horny. Even when I was married. Somehow I managed to find the only 23 year old who wasn't interested in sex.<br /><br />Divorce opened the door to a little variety. But even the prospect of sex didn't seem to keep my dance card full, if you know what I mean.<br /><br />I was in for other surprises too. Boy, did I have a lot to learn. Not all men care about sex! And there are guys who, despite caring about it, will refuse to do it when it is insisted upon that they wear a condom! And some guys would rather get stoned than get laid! And others prefer to masturbate...<br /><br />At least those were the main categories for the guys I wound up with.<br /><br />Never did I find the guy who could keep up with me. Or who attempted to try.<br /><br />I know myself better than ever, and I am more comfortable with who I am than I have been in the past. Under normal circumstances, these would be ideal conditions for great sex! But I'm single, and I have a child. I will not bring strangers into my house. And since I'm not in a relationship... I'm kinda left in the cold.<br /><br /><b>Monogamy (aka Monotony)</b><b> </b><br />I have <i>never</i> been in a relationship where I have not been attracted to someone else. Has anyone? I'll do ya one even better. I have never been in <i>love</i> with someone and not fallen in love with someone else at the same time. I have never been in an open relationship. And I have never cheated on anyone.<br /><br />Let me tell you what I don't like about what I just said. I have denied and suppressed a lot of feelings over the years! Which, ultimately, means I have not been true to myself.<br /><br />Now let me tell you what I do like about the above statements. I have never violated the expectations (real or imagined) of fidelity in my relationships. And I have had the wherewithal to exit the situations before moving beyond the boundaries (real or imagined) agreed upon by the parties involved.<br /><br />If it sounds like a legal disclaimer that's because it gets pretty technical.<br /><br />I have never sat down with a partner and defined the terms of the relationship. So all those expectations I've mentioned have been more imagined than real.<br /><br />Tradition seems to have been the hidden partner in my relationships. Which is really weird because I've never been the traditional sort. I don't remember the fairy tale where the princess says, "Darling, I love that you bring home the bacon. And you look smokin hot riding that horse. But I'm gonna need one, maybe two, more lovers to keep me satisfied enough that I don't want to scratch your eyes out or burn this castle to the ground...."<br /><br />That story hasn't been written yet. Maybe it's time.<br /><br />There is a word that kinda makes me cringe. Polyamory. By <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Polyamory">definition</a>, it doesn't sound bad at all. In theory, I like it! But how realistic is it? Don't people get jealous?<br /><br />I'm not the jealous type. I mean, it's happened on occasion. But both times (that I can recall) I knew that the problem was with the way I saw myself, and not the situation itself. There are plenty of women who would see the person they are with check out someone else and get jealous. It's always made me laugh a little.<br /><br />So why should something that is more in line with my pattern and history make me cringe. Maybe it is the need to give it a name, to classify it, to define it. Maybe I just don't want to acknowledge it... I don't know.<br /><br />For now, I'm outside, looking in the window. I am not ready to knock on that door.<br /><br /><b>Masturbation</b><br />Yes!<br /><br />I have found that it requires imagination or it feels like a yearly exam. But, I have a <i>great</i> imagination. And one "happy place" is better than the next...<br /><br />While it is better than nothing, it is nowhere near my first choice. All the main physical components are there. So what is missing? The connection with another person. And not just <i>any</i> person, but someone you actually care about.<br /><br />Or <i>people</i> that you actually care about.<br /><br />Maybe all this extra heart chakra work I've been doing has had the unexpected side effect of making caring for more than one person seem like a reasonable alternative to the traditional way I've approached relationships. Maybe it has nothing to do with my heart chakra, and has everything to do with my sex drive. Or maybe it's just me.<br /><br />I don't know.<br /><br /><b> </b>Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-20594577901926904982010-12-18T16:13:00.001-08:002011-04-12T11:53:07.422-07:00Love and HealingThis is information I channeled today. Only a small portion of it turned out to be personal information (and that has been omitted). It is good general information that everyone would do well to remember.<br /><br />The questions I had were on expressing love and healing.<br /><br />Recently I have been confronted with a situation in other people that made me see the need to examine myself. The issue has to do with heart chakra blockages. I questioned the ethics of removing blocks in other people after doing the initial healing that they asked for. Is it OK to go back and do more work on them after the fact? Here we have an answer...<br /><br /><blockquote>This is something you/we have been waiting for, the chance to share this information.<br /><br />Come now and wake up from the illusion you have been laboring under. (The word laboring was chosen because it carries with it the connotation of great effort. It is a lot of work to maintain the illusion.) Awaken to your true identity! You are the creator of your world. You choose the emotion you feel. You choose your thoughts and your actions.<br /><br />Choose the peaceful path, the path of ease...<br /><br />(The gist of the omitted portion has to do with the reason why we choose negative emotions. In studying psychology you will learn that the brain automatically will stick with a thought pattern that is negative and familiar over one that is unfamiliar and carries the potential for a positive outcome. Unfamiliar being interpreted as negative...)<br /><br />You deserve love if you want it.You are love! God is love, and you are god! Share yourself with others. Express yourself with love and others will be drawn to you. Let your love for humankind radiate out around you. Those who vibrate love will be drawn to you like a magnet.<br /><br />Remove the blocks from around your heart chakra daily. Remove them for yourself first and then for anyone else you wish. Healing is not an invasion of privacy or a violation of trust. On the spirit level we are all one. When you heal another, you heal yourself...<br /><br />Your (individual human) situation is unique in that you view it through the lens of your past experience. This is the illusion that creates the feeling of separateness. But you are never alone. </blockquote>Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-42495827191690528882010-11-29T20:55:00.002-08:002010-12-15T20:03:49.891-08:00The Disappearance of a Dream<blockquote>"Who can really say upon what foundations our deepest desires are built? We may think we know ourselves, and yet there are always things that remain hidden from view. Just under the surface of our psyche lies a largely unknowable core of beliefs. These beliefs exist in our energetic field in a manner which is electrical and non local. I mean to say that a certain point of energy, the belief, may or may not be related to the point of energy (belief) that seems to be next to it in the linear form."</blockquote><br />
OK, so that was a little confusing, right?! I'll tell you what just happened...<br />
<br />
I have been turning it over in my mind for over a month now about including a post about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repressed_memory">repressed memories</a>. When I sat down to start this post I could tell that I was channeling, as the language and writing style was not my own. I call this an<i> information download</i>. This happens quite often, and is generally the way in which I receive information when I give readings. Sometimes it feels like an information bomb has been dropped on me and so I scurry around and try to line up all of the pieces and relate them back in a linear way that makes sense to the client, or reader (as the case might be).<br />
<br />
So back to the above quote... That was part of the information download. I will try to make more sense of it by sharing with you how it relates to my life and the changes that manifested.<br />
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Obviously, this isn't "new" information. It has long been known that memories can cause seemingly random physical sensations. Further, when the memory is brought to the surface and cleared from the energy field, the physical component of that memory is cleared away as well. For example, the child who is teased at school may later develop stomach pains as an adult when they feel judged. Uncover the memory, and the stomach pains go away.<br />
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I have been working through some problems with my body-image. I made it a point recently to ask my spirit helpers to do what they do best. Help. By the next day, I received their help in a way in which I didn't expect. I lay down to meditate and out of the blue I was back in my own childhood body. I got the sense I was somewhere between the ages of 8 and 10. I was completely blind. But I could feel what was going on. And I could smell...<br />
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It was the smell that brought the memories flooding back.<br />
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If you have been reading my blog for any time at all you will know that I have been looking for a place to call home. Somewhere to feel at home. I have had many ideas on what this place would look like and where it would be. However, it generally boiled down to a small country house with a tall fence around it. Safe. Cozy. Safe.<br />
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When the repressed memories stopped I found myself out of my body in a void. Despite being out of body, the energy was tactile. I felt enormous and tiny at the same time.<br />
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I saw a point of energy and it began to get larger and larger until I could make out that the home I had been envisioning was in front of me, encased inside a bubble. Then the bubble began to float away and eventually burst. I could see the energy it was comprised of dissipate, leaving nothing of the house, or for that matter, the dream of the house.<br />
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In the following days and weeks, I was surprised to find that all emotion associated with this dream for a home of my own had dissipated. I did not desire the house I had been envisioning. I'm not attached to the idea at all anymore. Sure I can imagine the house or something like it and say that it would be nice to live there. But I can equally say that it would be nice to live somewhere else, in a different kind of house.<br />
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There were farther reaching effects as well. This energy bubble seemed to also include my ultimate dream for the business I wanted to create. In a way, I guess this makes sense as the business idea was built upon the foundation of the desperate need I had to create a home.<br />
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In any case, my dream was suddenly gone.<br />
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I'm left in a strange situation. What do I focus on without the dream? What do I want now? What do I work towards?<br />
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I have found my goals have become less long-term and more reflective of the <i>now</i>. I have found it is so much easier to live in the moment when I am not looking to some future goal to provide me with happiness. Happiness is here now. I just have to take a deep breath and face it.<br />
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On the surface I never knew that my dream for a home or the business goal I had was created out of childhood abuse. On the surface I hadn't remembered this abuse. But on the energetic level, these things were so tied to one another that when the abuse was brought to the surface the dream dissipated. And now I'm left with more of something I adore. Freedom.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-90335397242510244932010-11-14T08:15:00.000-08:002010-11-14T08:15:09.992-08:00The Strangest Thing That Has EVER Happened to MeImagine being me... I can communicate with dead people, see the past, feel other people's emotions, and see future potentials. I do psychic healing, channel beings from who-knows-where, astral project, and read auras. I can tell what people look like before I've seen their face, have experienced missing time, and experienced the pure love of the universe, <i>etc</i>, <i>etc</i>.<br />
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So when I say this is the <i>strangest</i> thing that has ever happened, you kind of have to take that into the context I detailed above...<br />
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A week ago, my son and I left for a little vacation. I wanted to visit a few towns I was considering a possible move to. <br />
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We arrived to the first town and was immediately struck by how kind everyone was. Friendly and chatty. I was offered help and answers to questions. I really liked the place. After driving around town, and getting a feel for the place, I decided I really like it there and would certainly move there. But I still had a couple more places to look at.<br />
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The second night we were there we had dinner with some old friends who happen to be from the second town on my trip list. She told me something that made me strike that town off of my list. I was grateful for her past experience there and was glad to have her perspective.<br />
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So, our trip was shortened and we were headed for the coast. But the weather started getting bad... We drove through snow for two hours and when someone on the radio mentioned mountain passes, I pulled over and decided I needed to find out how the roads were. I had no internet signal and could not get a single person on the phone to check the road reports for me. I had to make a decision on the spot. I decided to go back the way we came...<br />
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First attempt to leave town foiled by bad weather...<br />
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Here is where it starts to get strange.<br />
<br />
I had found my way around town beautifully the whole time I was there. On the morning of my second attempt to leave town, the desk clerk at the hotel gave me the name of a property management company that he used when he moved there. As it was just off the main road that headed out of town I decided to stop. When I was done there I got onto the road out of town and headed east. I knew where I was because I had been there for 4 days, AND I had made this drive many, many times in the last 18 years... I crossed the main road that goes north and south through town. I passed the businesses and state park that told me I was on my way home.<br />
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Everything was familiar!<br />
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And then all of a sudden IT WAS NOT!<br />
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I can not tell you what happened.<br />
<br />
I knew exactly where I was, and then without making a single turn, I was lost. I kept driving, thinking that my memory had played a trick on me and blamed the unrecognizability (had to make up that word) of everything on the fact that I was making the drive at a different time of day. After a little while the road I was on started to get narrower. The trees were getting denser. I passed a road crew. Drove a couple more miles and the road came to dead end.<br />
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It was obvious something was wrong. ;-)<br />
<br />
I turned around and when I got back to the road crew I asked for directions. The guy looked at me like I had purple broccoli growing out of my ears. He told me that I was 20 miles south of town.<br />
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As sure as I was that I had gone the right direction on my way out of town, I was willing to concede that I may have made a mistake. But as I drove through town and got back on the same east-bound highway, and started recognizing all the same businesses, and the same state park, I started freaking out a little bit. This was the way I had come and hour and a half ago.<br />
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We pulled into a McDonald's, where I could get internet access, and waited there for nearly an hour until I calmed down. As this seemed to be the perfect opportunity do do some social networking, I did so... A couple friends jokingly said maybe I was supposed to stay in town. I think there is truth in that!<br />
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Ever since I started seriously considering this place as somewhere we could move, I have been experiencing odd energy sensations. There were overwhelming feelings of familiarity in parts of town that I had never been to before. And it even seemed like I already knew some of the people!<br />
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As much as I don't like the term "supposed to", I absolutely know that something is waiting for me in this town! And it feels like something good.<br />
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We left McDonald's, got back on that same east-bound highway, and headed home. Again.<br />
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Nothing out of the ordinary happened this time.<br />
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The next day I turned in notice on my apartment. A good friend volunteered to help me move. She will be here December 7 and we will make the drive together.<br />
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And so my next crazy adventure begins... Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-84800675823740347142010-11-03T06:42:00.000-07:002010-11-03T06:42:56.493-07:00Old, Fat, and HappyThe other day, a friend pointed out to me that I always seemed to have died young in my past lives. My mind raced as I wondered if this was true. I concluded that, for the most part, it <i>is</i>. Blimey. However, there was one past life that I was immediately able to recall where I died old.<br />
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The year was 1265, in what I believe was in Ireland, although it can be pretty tough to tell when going this far back.<br />
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I was the female half of an old pudgy couple. My clothes were different shades of neutral colors. Grey, grey-green, brown. Everything looked and felt as though it were made of wool. My hair was grey and the sky was too. Even the landscape was grey as it seemed to be entirely made of rock.<br />
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My husband and I loved each other very much. We had been together for a very long time and sometimes it seemed that there was no distinction between the two of us. Almost as if we were the same organism functioning as two parts of a whole. It felt safe, secure, and lovely knowing everything about each other. No secrets, no surprises. Every day was like the next, and we were happy in every moment, never thinking about the next...<br />
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Knowing each other as well as we did, we found it unnecessary to verbally communicate. The way we interacted with one another was almost telepathic. People marveled at this ability we shared.<br />
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Our home was a south-facing stone building which consisted of two rooms. One larger room served as living room, dining, room, kitchen, tool shed, work room. Now let me paint a picture. The front door was small. Even short people like us had to bend to walk through it. Upon entering the house, there was a bench to the right with a long pillow on it. This was our living room. To the left of the front door was a window and window box. This was my husband's box and he kept fishing supplies in it. On the west wall was the fireplace. It was wide and tall, and covered over half of the west wall. In front of the fireplace was the table. It was big and sturdy. It served as the dining room, work room, and kitchen. Above the table was a net/screen which we used to dry herbs and fish.<br />
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Along the north wall was our bedroom, which was hardly bigger than the bed. And my husband's tools hung on the wall on the other side of the doorway.<br />
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My husband was a fisherman, and I made poultices and healing balms that the villagers would buy or trade for. My husband and I also acted as counselors. This seemed to be our true calling, and something we never accepted money for. We freely gave our advice and love, and always felt loved in return.<br />
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If someone (or a couple) was experiencing problems, they would approach us and ask to visit. At our house they would sit on the bench and my husband would sit next to them. He would place his hand on their shoulder or hand, and I would get pictures in my mind of what would remedy their situation. Sometimes it was an herb tea, medicine, or a different type of advice such as a way to behave.<br />
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One morning, as I was mashing up dried herbs, my husband left to go fishing. He never returned.<br />
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The villagers looked for him, but no one found him. I became bed-ridden with grief. My health didn't exactly deteriorate, I just lost the will to live. I was like this for 9 or 10 months before I fell asleep and didn't wake up.<br />
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I was never alone after my husband died. People from the village sat by my side and talked to me and held my hand. We had never had children, but these people from the village, who we had helped, loved us like family. They stayed with me until the end.<br />
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As I died, I became aware that I was sleeping and that I was something separate from my body. I saw the sky open up and the room filled with a gold light. I saw my husband look down at me. He was again the fresh-faced teenager that I had married. He reached out for me and I took his hand as I left this world.<br />
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In some way, I think, the problem I have had with never feeling like I fit anywhere has been because of this lifetime. Part of me has been searching for the home I had then, and the love and acceptance I experienced. To find that kind of companionship, and to be loved by people who are grateful for the help I can give them is a dream I hope to realize once again.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-42408379605014058262010-10-26T08:51:00.002-07:002010-11-27T06:28:58.433-08:00Balancing Lifetimes of Cruelty(When I do a past life regression I don't censor the information as it come in because I am pretty focused on seeing what happens next. This was one of those cases where I was so surprised by part of what I saw that I had a hard time believing it. Most of it made perfect sense to me though!)<br /><br />I was in the desert. The heat was suffocating. The air was heavy and thick with dust and sand. I was the assistant to the overseer in charge of building a very large stone pyramid.<br /><br />I hated my boss. He was cruel and selfish and cared nothing about the workers.<br /><br />He had been given a budget to build the pyramid, but was able to siphon off money for himself by underpaying the workers and rationing their food to the point they nearly starved. He used the money he stole to have a palace built for himself while the workers and I lived in tents.<br /><br />Our race had been given a gift of technology. It was unobtrusive and yet very powerful. It looked like a stick or a wand, and was about 20 inches long. There were tiny symbols imprinted onto one end, and when it was placed near a stone brick in a certain way the stones became lighter. They could even be made to levitate. Use of this technology was explained on a set of scrolls that the overseer kept in his possession at all times.<br /><br />The overseer was in charge of the use of this technology and would with-hold it according to his whim, forcing the workers to move and lift the giant stone bricks with nothing but their strength.<br /><br />Like I said, I hated him for his cruelty. And I hated him because he made me carry out the cruel punishments.<br /><br />I decided to kill him, steal the scrolls, and ease the burden of the workers.<br /><br />It was night time when I sneaked into his house. I hid behind a heavy curtain and waited. It was early morning when he came into the room. He had his back to me as he picked something up off of the table. I crept up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder. As he turned around, I stabbed him in the guts. I had enough time to notice that my hand felt warm before I remembered to grab the scrolls and run. However, as I was attempting to leave, his body guards ran in and stabbed me.<br /><br />I was in shock as they picked me up and threw me outside just as the sun was coming up. I slowly bled to death as I watched the sun inch across the sky. Unable to move, I bled and burned until I finally left my body.<br /><br /><b>Balance</b><br /><br />The overseer was someone who is very close to me in this life. Despite being "close", we never had an ideal relationship. Nothing I ever did was good enough to please, and I can say that our reactions toward each other have always been of general dislike. Harsh, I know, but I'm not going to sugar-coat it.<br /><br />This lifetime building the pyramid, and a few others with this same soul, gave me such deep insight.<br /><br />In this life she was abandoned and abused by nearly every adult in her life. She was sexually abused and a kid and raped when she got older. It is a wonder she grew into a functioning adult at all.<br /><br />My attitude toward her changed dramatically when I was able to see the growth of her soul. I can't look at her with out seeing a soul who was cruel and violent turn into someone who abhors violence of any kind. And I have compassion for her for the lives she must have lived that I wasn't a part of (and therefor unable to examine through past-life regression). It can take many lifetimes for that kind of karma to even itself out. And from what I know of her life, she must have gained a lot of balance this time around.<br /><br />For what it's worth, my attitude change helped things between us a little bit. But, we still have a long way to go...Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-86043781416602685792010-10-24T13:27:00.000-07:002010-10-24T13:27:36.668-07:00Challenging RelationshipsNo relationship is perfect, but some are more of a challenge than others. I have stated before that the best way to find information on a current relationship is through past life regression.<br />
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It is a misconception that we plan our lives in a "you hurt me so I'm going to hurt you" kind of way. From what I have seen, this is a rarity. Patterns usually occur in which the same soul will play a similar roll in relationship to you within each incarnation. I saw an example of this with one of my clients who experienced a challenging relationship with the same soul who played the part of someone demanding and domineering, and who happened to be put in a position of superiority. In one life they were an abused wife and in another was bullied by a work colleague.<br />
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It is worth noting that it takes an incredible amount of love for a soul to take on the role of the challenger. I have seen this while doing readings for others and have experienced it in a very profound way within my life regarding my own challenging relationships.<br />
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<b>The Soul Agreement</b><br />
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Let's discuss my former <i>mother-in-law</i>. <br />
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She was a manipulator who never thought I was good enough to be part of their family. She was cruel in ways that completely baffled me. I wondered about why she would say things that hurt me so bad emotionally that it caused physical pain. <br />
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For some reason, in the years following my divorce, I would have dreams about her. Strange dreams where she and I were happy to see each other and would talk about what's going on in our lives, like we were the best of friends. In these dreams there seemed to be a great deal of love between us.<br />
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When I learned how to consciously astral project, and began to recognize the visual cues of a projection, I realized that the dreams I had been having about her were actual meetings in the spirit world. During one of these meetings I became lucid enough to ask her why she treated me the way she had.<br />
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One of the things that surprised me was that she said the soul agreement I had during that part of my life was with her, not the person I was married to. She said I ended up married to him because I had a contract with her. She came into my life to pull me out of my shell, isolate me enough for me to see that I could survive on my own. Essentially, she agreed to make me so miserable that I would begin to question my life and my beliefs and see that there was another way to live.<br />
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She did this perfectly!<br />
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My questioning the beliefs I had been raised with was like pulling a brick out from the bottom of a pyramid. Eventually, everything that was resting on that belief began to crumble to the ground. I was left with no choice but to start rebuilding my belief systems and verifying each piece of information as to whether it was something that I had been programed to believe or if it was something coming from inside of me. It was difficult, emotional work. But it afforded me an opportunity that most people don't get. I had the chance to<i> know</i> and <i>like</i> the real me.<br />
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<b>Past Life Patterns</b><br />
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Oh, the men in my life!<br />
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I don't want to go into a lot of detail, but there are patterns with particular souls that mirror the relationship we have have in this life. When I was dating, I enjoyed exploring past lives to get an idea about the kind of men I was spending my time with. It was also useful for showing me what I could expect to come of the relationship. Here are two examples.<br />
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When I dated C, I always felt like he was lying to me. I discovered a past life where he was my fiance. I was part of a very wealthy family, but when my family disowned me and I was left with nothing, he left me and married my sister instead. In another life he was a fiance who abandoned me when I became ill. The pattern played itself out in this life. He ended up moving in with another girl, the same soul who was my sister in the life where I was disowned.<br />
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And then there was A. Poor, A. I broke his heart, and I'm sad to say that was the pattern. In one life we were in love, but I was forced to marry someone much older who had a large herd of goats. In the time and place we lived this was the proof of wealth. I never got to see the boy I was in love with again. Another regression showed a lifetime where he was my son. He was a sweet, sensitive boy, my youngest. I was married to an abusive man who disliked the boy as much as he disliked me. As I lay dying, my husband refused to allow me medical care, but my boy, who was only 8 years old, stayed by my side the whole time. As I left my body I watched my son start crying. My husband boxed him hard in the ear and told him to shut up.<br />
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<b>A Word About Karma</b><br />
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Karma means Balance. There is balance required to advance as a soul. I have broken hearts, and I have had my heart broken. That is balanced. That is Karma.<br />
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Karma does not mean that the husband who abused me will come back as someone that I abuse. There is no soul advancement in that. However, over the life of the soul who is an abuser, they will also have experiences that will help them to grow out of the pattern of abuse. That is balanced. That is Karma. <br />
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I will write more about this pattern of abuse in another post where I'll share some past lives I have had with someone in my close circle who was the abuser in past lives.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-42044373635274988472010-10-20T16:18:00.000-07:002010-10-20T16:18:56.115-07:00July 7, 2007Corporeal vision, brought about by thoughts of a mundane nature.<br />
<div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> corporeal – of the body</span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> vision – to sense and perceive things that are not of this world</span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> thoughts of a mundane nature – day to day activities</span></div>We are bringing these thoughts to you in your time according to your level of understanding.<br />
You are aware that you leave your body while you sleep to perform healings on others.<br />
You do this in accordance with your plan for this incarnation.<br />
You are learning tools that will help you to do this in waking life as well.<br />
Keep learning, and seeking, and studying.<br />
Your goals are being accomplished.<br />
Each new bit of information will come to you when it is time.Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-81994758363900202042010-10-20T16:13:00.000-07:002010-10-20T16:13:34.013-07:00July 3, 2007Tilling the soil brings fruitful gain.<br />
Stirring up emotions is necessary or they will become impacted like clay once its moisture has evaporated.<br />
Expressing emotions is vital for spiritual development.<br />
Use acupuncture or the tapping method to stimulate these impacted energy points.<br />
Release that emotion.<br />
Drink plenty of water. This will clean out your energy body as well as your physical body.<br />
That old emotion will fall away like an etheric scab, and will reveal something clean and new and beautiful. Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720007361777909757.post-29376171404299144742010-10-20T16:08:00.001-07:002010-10-20T16:11:18.246-07:00July 1, 2007 (b)Meditate to open your channels.<br />Avoid harsh chemicals, as they will pollute the stream and the flow.<br />We are here to help you with that if you call on us to do so.<br />Never doubt that our love and well-wishes are with you.<br />You are here for a grand task, the details of which are being withheld from you for the time being.<br />Build up your strength and your confidence and the details will be explained to you in time.<br />Do not fret or be impatient, as there is groundwork to be accomplished first.<br />You are making great strides and are progressing rapidly, but there is still much to be learned.<br />Ground yourself to be ready for it all.<br />You are walking in two worlds and are growing accustomed to the atmospheric differences in the other dimensions. Know that you are not alone in your explorations. There are others like you who are experiencing these shifts in consciousness as well. These are your soulmates, members of your soul group.<br />Your “twin flame” oversoul/archetype will appear to you out of this group.<br />Do not be anxious. The work is done.<br />Know that great happiness is yours.<br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">The Beings of Celestial Light and Intelligence</span>Mishellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03225834829066913519noreply@blogger.com0