Saturday, December 19, 2009

No More Hiding

My previous post was about a secret I have been keeping from someone important in my life. The secret is I'm a psychic. The person is my mother.

My mother is a staunch Jehovah's Witness. If you know anything about this religion, you can imagine the reaction of me telling her I am a psychic! I feared I'd be completely shunned, as they do with those who break the rules.

I was ready to tell her everything, then found out someone had already told her! :-0 While it eased the pressure a bit, I felt it was something she needed to hear from me. I tried to get her on the phone, but after a couple of days I decided to write her a letter, rather than wait any longer.

I wrote her a letter and told her everything. Everything. EVERYTHING.

I have had a block in my throat chakra for as long as I can remember. It was there the first time I scanned my chakras, and no matter the amount of cleansing or running of energy, it never really goes away. I knew from the beginning it had to do with the secret I kept from my mother. I knew when I told her this secret the block would go away.

However, I was not prepared for the rush of energy I experienced! In the hours following sending the letter, I had the strangest sensations in my body. My heart chakra was pounding, my solar plexus felt like it was clinching and releasing, my sides were twitching. I felt like I could have run a marathon. Everything I experienced was more intense. Even colors were brighter. It might sound crazy, but I almost felt like I was shining! When we went to the shopping center people were actually paying attention to me. This is so unusual, and certainly evidence that something energetic was going on outside of me. I had a very happy day.

When I went to sleep, the dreams I had were of a different quality than normal. This is hard to explain, it just felt like I was more "there" than I have felt before.

Before bed I had been wondering about the kind of response I'd get from my mother about the letter, wondering if I'd get a response. I had a dream where she was looking for me. I was at my old elementary school when she found me. She let her friend read the letter in front of me, and her friend was aghast! Then my mother tried to tell me how awful it was that I would allow this into my life. I tried to explain that it isn't awful, it's natural. We had an almost-argument about it. Then a civil discussion. In the end, she held her hands up and said OK. Not admitting she was wrong, but not saying I was either.

Of course there was another part of my awareness analyzing this dream while I was having it, and it seemed to me this last gesture she made would set the stage for our future relationship.

I stayed in that in-between state for a while thinking about the dream, when I became aware of song lyrics playing in my head. The words I heard were, "I started a joke that got the whole world laughing, but I couldn't see, that the joke was on me..." Uh-OH, I thought! Then I heard someone say to me, "Pandora's box".

It has been a while since I read mythology, so I looked it up... "In Greek mythology, Pandora's box is the large jar carried by Pandora that unleashed many terrible things on humanity – ills, toils and sickness – and hope." (Thanks, Wikipedia)

So, while I think the relationship with my mother will not be as dire as I expected it to be, I think there is bound to be some fall-out that I hadn't thought about. Perhaps from the church itself.


caseyoconnell said...

What is your current status with the JWs? Please remember that the church itself cannot give you any fall-out that you don't accept. (And maybe this is good advice for myself, but bear with me.) What they hold out is one thing; whether you choose to reach out and take it is a whole 'nother ball of wax. If the shunning from your mom happens, imagine telling her, "You might choose to shun me, but I don't choose to shun you or to be shunned by you. You will remain the same to me. You are choosing to change your perception of me, and I cannot do anything about that, nor will I accept your label for myself."

You are YOU, and you are following your own path. What others choose to think of that is their concern; don't let it become yours.

You're brilliant and awesome and strong. You'll be fine, regardless of what others choose to believe.

Avalons Eye said...

One of my favorite sayings is "what other people think of me is none of my buisness" true because it is about THEM, not about YOU. There is a lot of shadow in that kind of judgement.

Mishell said...

Actually, I did hear back from my mother. She said she had no intention of shunning me. She said I am her daughter and she would always love me. Boy, has she simmered down! ;-)

She also said that she could now see that I have been this way my whole life. I think if it was just my being psychic, she would be Ok with it, but I am a medium as well, and that is very worrisome to her. She believes the spirits communicating with me are bad. She also said they hate her. This is how she believes, but we have decided not to let this become a debate over who is right and who is wrong.

Casey, I don't know how to answer about my standing in the church. I quit being a witness a long time ago. But it was never "official" if you know what I mean. But I will say this... I am not a passive person anymore. If they decide to alienate my family from me, in their special way, I will not take it lying down.

Sig, you are absolutely right! What people think of me is all about the lens they see the world through.

Palehorse said...

She believes the spirits communicating with me are bad. She also said they hate her. This is how she believes, but we have decided not to let this become a debate over who is right and who is wrong.>>>

FWIW when I read that, the impression I got was that she may actually have some natural ability too, but since she's not on friendly terms with that part of herself, it's possible that this aspect of her has turned hostile, and she may attract something sinister (and then believe that she's seeing the "true" face of what you're interacting with).

Based on some shtuff I've been trying with others lately... if you think she may be, and recognize / honor her psychic / medium aspect (since you'd likely be the only avenue through which it could gain some acceptance at present) it can take the hostility out of it, possibly smooth things further between you, and possibly get that aspect of herself to start treating *her* better.