I have been not-so-patiently waiting for a sign. A little nudge from the Universe, telling me which direction I need to go. Months have gone by. Months full of days that seemed to last forever. I finally got the sign I have been waiting for, by finally asking the question.
It might seem a little obvious, that the question needs to be asked. However, I have been consciously practicing the art of receiving.
When I started on my spiritual path I was bombarded with messages and signs telling me that I needed to balance my masculine and feminine energies. Being female, I assumed this meant that I needed to strengthen my masculine traits. It took several years before I understood the true nature of the need for balance.
Along my path I met a man, and was told by spirit that he was my counter-balance. I trusted this statement because I trust the source from which it came. I made the assumption that "counter-balance" meant something like "soul-mate" or "twin-flame". What the statement actually meant was that we each had the opportunity to bring about an essential learning opportunity for the other. Spirit showed me what looked like Legos. Two groups of Legos with jagged edges, but when the two groups were put together, they formed a perfect and complete cube. The point was that I had something to complete his shape and he had something to complete mine.
I asked Spirit what this man and I had to learn, what role we had to play in each other's lives, and was told that I was in his life to help him learn generosity. He was in my life to help me learn how to receive.
This was the first time I discovered that I had been trying to "balance" my energy in the wrong direction. ;-) Ha! And all the while I was still getting oracles telling me I needed balance. Which in turn made me work harder (still in the wrong direction) to gain the balance I needed. It was clear something needed to be done. So, it seems, I manifested this relationship...
It was clear from the beginning how each of our lessons were going to be learned. I moved to a foreign country to be with this man. A country where I did not speak the language. A country where they place such a high value on education that I could not get a job if I wanted one because I don't have a college degree. All of a sudden, I was in the position of relying on this man for everything. It was worse than feeling like a little baby because I had been taking care of myself financially since I was sixteen. I felt like part of me had been cut out. The frustration I felt at this was acute.
By the same token, my husband had just a hard time being the sole support, watching his money go to pay for things that he wouldn't have bought if I hadn't been in the picture. Our situation forced him into the position of being generous with what he (by way of his culture) valued most.
The Help I Forgot I'd Asked For
When I consciously began to develop and build upon my psychic abilities, I asked Spirit what I could do to become a great psychic. The answer was balance.
I was reminded of this recently when I read something another psychic wrote about how she gets physically drained from doing readings. I remembered that I used to get drained from doing readings too. However, that changed sometime in the last couple of years, and now get a surge of energy from connecting with people, the same as I would if I had been meditating.
The need to know how to receive had it's source in the question I put out to the Universe all those years ago. I realized after reading what that other psychic wrote, that the reason readings used to drain my energy was because I was seeking information. Instead of allowing the information to come to me, I was trying to reach out for it. This is what drained my energy. This is why I needed to learn to receive.
One Extreme or the Other
I learned the lesson. I received the gift of receiving. And I am grateful for this!
However, that is different than being balanced.
My feminine energy is so strong now, that it doesn't even occur to me to ask for answers.
In the months since my husband and I separated, I have been waiting to be told where the best place would be for my son and I to move. I narrowed the options down to two. There have been signs and messages, but nothing has been as clear as I wanted. Nothing definitive. I wanted an answer that was blatantly obvious.
A few days ago I went to bed crying, begging Spirit for a clear answer to this question that has had me consumed since October. I had my answer within a day and a half.
By chance, I tuned in to a radio show of a psychic I have been following for several years. The guest on his show was a psychic that is a is a predominant symbol in my dreams. The show had already started when I decided to call in, so I asked my Angels to help me get through.
I got through! My call was the last call taken on the show. I got to ask these two amazing psychics where I should move. I got an answer! And guess what? It wasn't the answer I wanted.
The next day I started meditating, wondering if this is really the place I should go.
While meditating, I had a short vision of my spirit guide. He said to me, in a most urgent manner, "Go! Go!"
I jumped up with a surge of energy. This was the unmistakable answer that I've been waiting for. And the answer came because I finally asked the question.
By writing all of this down, I hope to keep it in my memory. I want to always remember to be balanced.