Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Love Songs (part deux)

It’s happened again. Love songs. In my sleep.

I especially like getting song lyric messages when the original words are different than the ones I hear. It seems like more of a message that way, rather than just singing a song in my head. It feels more like it is meant just for me.

The words from this morning’s song were,
“Do you believe in love at first sight, I think I do. We’re hanging out with one another. Those’r the best days of my life…”
It sounds all nice and lovey-dovey, right? So why does this upset me? I’ve been down this road before.

I have let the signs lead me into two different relationships. One was quite lovely for what it was… a confusion with a friend. Thankfully we ended up right back where we started; friends. The other- well, I ended up marrying him, and will soon be divorcing him. And while I am very thankful for the lessons I learned in this relationship, it was hard. Every day was hard. I was made to feel inferior and stupid. Two things I am not. The point is, I don’t want this to ever happen again. I do not want to be lead into another relationship that is designed for my spiritual growth . Enough already. I am weary and war-torn (and quite possibly a bit dramatic). ;-)

When enough time has passed I will want something easy, and passionate, relaxing, and lasting. A relationship among equals. And I will never again change my life or lifestyle for a man.

So there.

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